Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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