Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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