Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
