you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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