Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize