An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
