she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
