We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
