sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
