Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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