I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
