OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
