His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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