The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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