Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize