Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
