are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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