My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
