Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
