forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
