and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
