You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
