Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
