I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
