Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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