Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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