Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You are a genius and a whore.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
