My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
