Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
