I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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