Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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