I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
