there's paper in my vomit.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
