i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
