i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
