sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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