1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
