He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
