k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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