Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
