evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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