Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
