her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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