i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
