Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
