I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
