It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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