Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
