god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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