sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
