This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
