moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My life is pants optional.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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