I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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