You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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