I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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