Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
