how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need water and some morals
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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