Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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