one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
this hospital has no fireball
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