Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
