so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize