I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
