you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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