i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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