He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
