sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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