fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
