be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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