wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
