i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
