I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
