between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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