He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
