the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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