two words: eviction party
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
