Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
