Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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