U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
