my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
