I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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