I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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