just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
