I must be too annoying 4 u.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
