shes about as inviting as chlamydia
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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