After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
