She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
