I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
