You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm really into asian looking animals
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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