What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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