meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
