TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
