it was like his penis was on wheels.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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